Another busy week, but some things did get done and feels like I can cross off some smaller things off the list. I like my job. Like staying busy, like that it's challenging, like that it allows for authority and play-calling, and that I'm respected. Like knowing (a.k.a. competency).

I've a 'material wants' attach today. Again. Get overwhelmed with things I believe I need to buy, now, later, whenever. All noble things, for the house, for Maya, for organizing... but the intense 'want' spike is likely not connected to anything noble at all and is rather some aborted substitute for mental disarray. I'm reaching the point of feeling overwhelmed (for real) again. I seem to park in this space when I bottom out. The dismal weather outside just makes things seem worse. Maya, poor thing, is tired of being cooped up in the house while sick - I don't blame her, even I am running out of ideas to entertain her and hate seeing her zombified in front of the TV.

Sigh.

So many things to do, so very little time, and low on energy. Perhaps if I stopped wasting time online and instead went and got some decent sleep, I won't have to spend tomorrow in a mental fog.

Again starting to be concerned with money. Not a 'where will we get the next meal from' concern, probably moved up a level to 'how will I have money for immediate needs other than food/shelter/safety/etc.'. Did make progress on the pile of bills; feel ever so slightly more in control when I just SEE them. Probably will be even more so when they're organized and I can observe myself pay them off.

Floors look good... but it doesn't take me long to get into the 'maximizer' mode - noticing what else needs to be done, vs. what just has been finished. I'm currently an unhappy, unsatisfied soul. I have to actively seek solace in prayer that my nagging material wants don't overtake my mindspace. Not that I'm a total Scroodge, but my tendency is to compensate for things missing internally via things external.

I'm spent.

I wonder why I think that new blog will make me more literate in mental musings than the old one. Those pesky chances of reinventing oneself, I suppose. Like hitting a 'refresh' button on my state of mind and ability to write out the highway net in my brain.

I found another reader buddy! I hope. At least books #1 on either side have been exchanged. I liked mine.

Speaking of reader buddies... I think I need to get back on goodreads.com and check out Kerren's lists. And start my own, good things fall through my memory cracks when all the other daily noise takes over.

Florida Saturday. I'm looking forward to Maya exploring the Gulf beach, and to catching up with family. I hope this is productive... Dad, sister, and alleged future brother-in-law are coming as well.

We've opened the season on Baby #2. I'm not looking forward to pregnancy, not one of those women who allegedly 'glow' and feed on happy pregnant thoughts... I just bear the loss of control that pregnancy brings, while realizing the tremendous benefit of its result. I hope it's 1) soon, 2) healthy, 3) NOT multiples, and 4) a boy. I like the thought of having a chance to raise a boy and a man, it'll be too new to me. And I'm sure Maya could use a brother in life.

I'm such a social hermit that an opportunity of a fresh friendship draws me in with a giant sucking sound. So few people that I trust to be interested in me. Some hereditary insecurity or some such, I suppose.

OK, enough for now.