I've a 'material wants' attach today. Again. Get overwhelmed with things I believe I need to buy, now, later, whenever. All noble things, for the house, for Maya, for organizing... but the intense 'want' spike is likely not connected to anything noble at all and is rather some aborted substitute for mental disarray. I'm reaching the point of feeling overwhelmed (for real) again. I seem to park in this space when I bottom out. The dismal weather outside just makes things seem worse. Maya, poor thing, is tired of being cooped up in the house while sick - I don't blame her, even I am running out of ideas to entertain her and hate seeing her zombified in front of the TV.

Sigh.

So many things to do, so very little time, and low on energy. Perhaps if I stopped wasting time online and instead went and got some decent sleep, I won't have to spend tomorrow in a mental fog.

Again starting to be concerned with money. Not a 'where will we get the next meal from' concern, probably moved up a level to 'how will I have money for immediate needs other than food/shelter/safety/etc.'. Did make progress on the pile of bills; feel ever so slightly more in control when I just SEE them. Probably will be even more so when they're organized and I can observe myself pay them off.

Floors look good... but it doesn't take me long to get into the 'maximizer' mode - noticing what else needs to be done, vs. what just has been finished. I'm currently an unhappy, unsatisfied soul. I have to actively seek solace in prayer that my nagging material wants don't overtake my mindspace. Not that I'm a total Scroodge, but my tendency is to compensate for things missing internally via things external.

I'm spent.